accomplished twins. life is a go
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
