Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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