I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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