Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
