Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
