you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
