I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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