you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want to make out with him forever
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
