I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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