I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
