haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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