Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
