I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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