are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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