We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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