the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize