You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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