You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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