ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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