I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
