Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My cat gives me a boner
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
