how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
