just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
