I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
