I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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