So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
