I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
