Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
