So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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