EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
