this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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