Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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