ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
