I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
