I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
