Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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