five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
