ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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