i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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