I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
