A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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