Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
