I'm lost and stupid without you.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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