absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
