Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
