I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
