Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
