Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
