I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Success! We fucked roommates!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
