This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
