too bad you live with your parents still
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
