my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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