So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
