VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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