Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
