I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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