I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
