I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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