this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
