have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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