The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
