i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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