We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
