You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
