im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
