Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize