And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize