I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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