I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They are going to name an STD after you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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