you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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